haymitch

[polyapathy]

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[polyapathy]

[SHE'LL CIRCLE BACK.]

Yeah, it's no fucking wonder. You know hardly anyone asks to see him? No one knows how to handle that kid, and I bet the same is true at home.

[Which, god, this is supposed to be fun gossip hour now to wind down from that trial, but...]

He hasn't had a lot of love in his life. We traded memories.

[She sighs.]

He hasn't found his people yet, I don't think.

[oraculi]

[Has he? He doesn't know immediately, which throws him, makes him pause for a moment. He has, he thinks. Even if they're away. Even if he doesn't see them regularly, there's a reason he's been thinking of his team the more time goes past.]

He will.

Sooner or later.

[It took him twenty years between one group and another. It happens.]

[polyapathy]

[She nods. It's true, he will.]

In the meantime, he's one of us. Simple as that.

[...]

Beck, huh? She's got good taste.

[oraculi]

I'm surprised she slept with me.

I asked her before, got turned down. Kinda thought that'd be that til the other day, and then suddenly she's giving me looks and touching my hand and acting like it'd be real great if I, uh, talked about books with her.

["Talked about books", so to speak.]

[polyapathy]

[It's stupid, it's very stupid, she knows even in the moment how stupid it is—but she can't help but bristle ever so slightly as he relays the story. She'd just assumed Beck was the one to approach him.]

Well, sounds like she wised up. Good for her.

[It's lacking the enthusiasm she had while chattering about Nathan and Edelgard, but maybe he won't notice. Maybe he also won't notice the abrupt subject change!]

Have you been down to the movie theater lately?

[BECAUSE THAT SEX TAPE SURE IS SOMETHING THEY HAVEN'T TALKED ABOUT YET.]

[oraculi]

[Wait, hang on--]

You don't wanna hear more about Beck?

[She can't possibly be jealous. That'd be ridiculous. Right? Amusing, though, which is why there's the edges of a grin tugging at the corner of his mouth.]

[polyapathy]

[Goddammit, Haymitch.]

Is there more to hear?

[oraculi]

There was when it was Nathan.

[He's definitely grinning now.]

You don't like hearing about other girls?

[polyapathy]

[It's a damn good thing she's still pressed up against his shoulder. She can't see his grin, he can't see her wrinkling her nose. It works out.]

Nathan was unexpected, that's all. I like Beck just fine. I slept with her too, you know.

[It's a good thing she's better at covering her ass in trials. But then, it's easier when you aren't hiding anything.]

[oraculi]

Yeah, I know. But we're not talking about you sleeping with her, are we?

[The thought is admittedly distracting, and he's definitely going to think about it more later, but now he's on a mission.]

Are you jealous you're not the only girl I'm fucking?

[polyapathy]

'Course not. I know I'm your favorite.

[Agree with her or die, good buddy. Also, sorry to Beck who just happened to fall into the middle of this?]

Or are we projecting?

[He's not, he's obviously not, but let's poke this bear.]

[oraculi]

And what if you're not the favorite?

[He draws back, looking down at her, grinning. Give this stupid conversation this: it's made them both forget about the past few hours. That's more than he thought possible.]

[polyapathy]

[NO, nope, she clings to his shirt to try to move with him. Not today, pal. She is in hiding.]

Um, I super am. Would Beck kick a demon in the box for you? Don't think so.

[She probably would, actually. Beck's no slouch. But, obviously this isn't really about her.]

[oraculi]

That wasn't the question, Katy.

[He reaches for her wrists, prying them off his shirt, forcibly moving her back.]

What if you weren't?

[polyapathy]

[She totally sees his game and futilely curls against him, but yeah, no dice, of course he's winning this game. She's laughing by the time he wrestles her back, face red, but definitely just because he's turning this into a whole thing.]

Noooo.

[Somehow, she fits three whole syllables into that one little word.]

Shut up. We made a Twilight sex tape together, Haymitch. That everyone has seen, you know! How have we not talked about this yet? People only make Twilight sex tapes with their favorites!

[oraculi]

You do, maybe.

[No, no, he'll stop. Releasing her wrists, he sits back, looking up at her with amusement.]

You really that scandalized about that tape being seen?

[polyapathy]

[She is never letting this go, is the thing. She nudges at him.]

I do not. Not ten minutes ago you—

[...were saying how you'd kill Edelgard for her. There's a moment of stutterstep as she redirects off of that awful joke, but they're moving on.]

No, but have you see the other tapes? Not a single one of them actually fucked except us.

[She is still undecided about how she feels about this. Embarrassment, yes, but more realizing they went the fucking distance instead of just phoning it in like everyone else. Sure didn't realize that was an option.]

[oraculi]

[He shrugs one shoulder.]

Taako wouldn't stop reminding me. I don't exactly see why it's bad. Oh, no, I got to fuck a pretty girl and make her laugh all in one, what a terrible turn of events.

[polyapathy]

[Would that we could all have as little shame as Haymitch. Katy grimaces as the mention of Taako.]

It's not bad, it's just... You can fuck a pretty girl whenever you want.

[...]

On the other hand, seems to me the rest of the ship ought to give their balls a tug. Fucking embarrassing display out there, boys.

[oraculi]

[The turn of phrase makes him laugh, at least.]

Ya think? You're lucky I'm here, sweetheart, you'd never get a good lay otherwise.

[polyapathy]

[Her eyes narrow, but she's still smiling. He's right, as per usual, but more specifically, he's cornered her into his being objectively right based on her own logic.

He's gonna get them all out of here.

And then she's gonna kill him herself over all these times when he's used his power for evil.]

That's a Texas-size 10-4. What did I tell you? I need you around.

[oraculi]

[THAT'S WHY HE'S THE MENTOR, KATY.]

Then I'll endeavor to do just that.

[It's overly enunciated, a parody of the kind of high-class city accents that are a constant no matter the world.]

C'mon. Can we move to bed, or does her highness wanna sleep elsewhere tonight?

[polyapathy]

[It is very annoying, how thoroughly he has her number. But it works, of course it does, and she stands.]

I could stay.

[She offers him a hand.]

Unless you've got Beck coming by, since she's your favorite and all.

[It's a joke. This next part is not, though!]

Hm, I wonder if we could get her to fuck both of us together...

[oraculi]

[Well, that just about stops him dead in his tracks. It's only for a moment or two, sure, but it still counts. It's very much a point in her favor.]

You're the one doing the asking. Not me.

[Good for him, that he manages that, is what I say, good for Haymitch.]

[polyapathy]

[YA WAN' KNOW WHAT GOOD FOR HAYMITCH what a great fuckin' guy, fuck.]

Fucking duh, big shooter. I'm not new here. Ooh, while we're talking plans, let's pencil in Nathan. I'd bet anything he'd stroke out between the two of us.